Velho cusco tão amigo

Semana passada, quando estive na fazenda, não consegui aproveitar quase nada do fim-de-semana. Além da chuva que não cessou, também eu estava embuído numa tristeza desoladora, a qual não permitiu nem que eu pudesse aproveitar o meu paraíso para fazer o que mais gosto, estar em harmonia com a natureza e a lida campeira.
Eu não esperava, porém, que meu cachorro fosse perceber que seu dono não estava legal. Sempre que o vejo, nem que seja só por alguns segundos, eu o saúdo, converso com ele, pergunto como está e todas essas frescuras de quem ama seus bichos. Acontece que o Aladim foi o primeiro cão que eu pude dizer que é meu de fato, pois, além dele ser meu, eu também sou dele. A prova dessa cumplicidade começou na semana passada e terminou neste último domingo.
Naquele dia, quando fui até a janela como sempre faço, ele veio todo faceiro receber meu carinho. E eu, tão destruído que estava, apenas consegui dirigir-lhe um olhar dolorido. Lembro que na hora ele percebeu e passou vários segundos estático, como que seu olhar tivesse se alterado no mesmo instante. Ainda assim, não dei muita bola e fui dormir. Tristeza dá sono, pelo menos no meu caso.
A semana passou, fui embora pra casa e, felizmente, me recuperei. Quando a gente deixa de amar por desespero e passa a amar por convicção, a tristeza vira saudade, a angústia vira ansiedade de estar perto e, apesar do aperto no peito não sumir, a certeza do sentimento conforta. E sei que sou assim mesmo no início, perco o rumo, desmorono, amardo a dor da pior maneira possível. Com isso, é inevitável pôr os pés pelas mãos, e acabo invadindo, pressionando, quase que estrago tudo. O amor é como uma delicada flor; se a regarmos o tempo todo, o excesso de água a leva à morte, pois também é necessária uma boa dose de sol, vento e espaço para que ela consiga manter-se de pé. Apesar do susto dos primeiros dias, minha confiança me fez prudente, e agora já consigo agir com a cabeça no lugar.
Neste último sábado, porém, tive uma surpresa. Ao chegar novamente na fazenda, ouvi minha avó comentar que o Aladim não havia comido a semana inteira, mas apenas lambiscado o prato com pouca vontade. Inicialmente, sugeri que lhe dessem remédio contra vermes, pois imaginei que se tratasse de alguma indisposição estomacal. Fui, então, até a janela para saudar-lhe, e me arrepiei com o que vi. Ao chamá-lo, Aladim, que sempre foi um cachorro hiperativo e desatinado, apenas virou-se vagarosamente para mim e dirigiu-me o mesmo olhar de tristeza mórbida que eu lhe enviara na semana anterior.
Nunca havia visto nada parecido na minha vida. Pra mim, bicho sempre foi bicho, e gente sempre foi gente - ainda que Os Serranos cantem que "o boi é bicho, mas tem alma sob o couro". Tentei não associar os fatos e insisti, chamei-o até mim outra vez, ao que ele atendeu com outro olhar funesto. Demorou a pôr as patas na janela como de costume, e seus olhos não brilhavam. Passei, então, a agradá-lo, conversei baixinho, mirei seus olhos fixamente e o afaguei com intensidade. Apavorado e louco de medo de ver meu cachorro morto, segui acariciando-lhe a cabeça sem cessar, expliquei que estou melhorando, que tudo vai acabar bem e que não há motivos para tanta desilusão. Por último, massageei acima de seus olhos com meus polegares, ao que ele, pacientemente, os fechou por alguns instantes, como se eu tivesse encontrado exatamente o local que mais doía.
Meus caros, o que aconteceu a seguir eu só acredito porque vi com meus próprios olhos, porque foi, de fato, espantoso. Soltei-o e, no que minha avó chegou com o prato dele, o bicho avançou na comida com uma voracidade insofismável. Devorou tudo em segundos, bateu o recorde Sul-americano de mastigação canina e, como que por encanto, recuperou o jeito estabanado de sempre, mijando por todos os cantos, babando feito um condenado e quase me dando um tombo.
Minha avó, não cabendo em si de contentamento, afirmou que ele passara a semana praticamente sem latir, brincar e comer e, de fato, Aladim emagreceu a olhos vistos. O curioso é que, nessa semana, também eu perdi três quilos, chegando à inimaginável marca dos sessenta e sete, peso que eu não atingia desde os dezoito ou vinte anos.
A simbiose que temos ultrapassou a barreira do ponderável. Ainda consigo lembrar o dia em que o vi pela primeira vez. Era um filhotão com cara de abobado, destruía tudo o que via pela frente e adorava passear comigo, principalmente quando eu lhe dava meu chapéu de palha para morder e destroçar. Hoje, quatro anos depois, tornou-se um cão robusto, valente e, de quebra, deu-me uma lição de parceria, companheirismo e amizade incrível. Não é à toa que, quando saio a camperear, ele me acompanha do início ao fim com euforia, mostrando o quanto lhe agrada estar comigo.

***

Eu sei que também fui bobo, atrapalhado, estabanado. Estraguei bem mais do que um simples chapéu... Porém, tu bem sabe o quanto esse cão significa pra mim, o amor que tenho por ele e, te asseguro, os últimos dias têm me servido para aprender lições que me mantêm cada vez mais convicto do que sinto. Assim como o Aladim, sei que também o meu olhar já diz muitas coisas e passa certeza, pelo menos é o que vários amigos que conversam comigo afirmam.
No Globo Repórter de sexta, assisti à história de um rapaz que perdeu todos os movimentos do corpo batendo a cabeça ao mergulhar num rio e, após anos de luta e dedicação, voltou a andar, lutou pela vida e agora está prestes a concluir a faculdade de Psicologia. À certa altura da entrevista, o cara disse uma frase tão marcante, que eu cheguei a anotar: "Se eu não lutar por aquilo que me move, de que adianta viver?"
Minha vida agora é recuperar o meu amor, é mostrar que o tempo perdido transformou-se em segurança e estabilidade. É isso que me move, é a confiança de te fazer feliz que consegue aplacar a ansiedade quando ela bate forte. Posso ter magoado bastante, mas, se pararmos para pensar, eu pelo menos cumpri o que sempre afirmei, que até fevereiro saberia de fato o que queria para a minha vida, e que esse tempo serviria para solidificar minha decisão e meu sentimento.
Esse é o meu propósito que, como tu pode ver, é cada dia mais público. Atualmente, aqui tem sido minha única via de expressão. Uma certeza tu pode ter: o papel de cachorro agora pertence única e exclusivamente ao Aladim. A escolha, agora, é nossa.


Tão Seu

(Skank)

Sinto sua falta
Não posso esperar
Tanto tempo assim
O nosso amor é novo
É o velho amor ainda e sempre...

Não diga que não vem me ver
De noite eu quero descansar
Ir ao cinema com você
Um filme à tôa no Pathé...

Que culpa a gente tem
De ser feliz
Que culpa a gente tem,
Meu bem?
O mundo bem diante do nariz
Feliz aqui e não além...

Me sinto só, me sinto só
Me sinto tão seu
Me sinto tão, me sinto só
E sou teu!

Faço tanta coisa
Pensando no momento de te ver
A minha casa sem você é triste
A espera arde sem me aquecer...

Não diga que você não volta
Eu não vou conseguir dormir
À noite eu quero descansar
Sair à tôa por aí...

Me sinto só, me sinto só
Me sinto tão seu
Me sinto tão, me sinto só
E sou teu!

Sinto sua falta
Não posso esperar
Tanto tempo assim
O nosso amor é novo
É o velho amor ainda e sempre...

Que culpa a gente tem
De ser feliz
Eu digo eles ou nós dois
O mundo bem diante do nariz
Feliz agora e não depois...

Me sinto só, me sinto só
Me sinto tão seu
Me sinto tão, me sinto só
E sou teu!

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  1. Fiquei tão emocionada com teu texto que tive que secar os olhos várias vezes. Esse amor entre tu e o Aladim é compreensível, afinal não dizem que o cão é o melhor amigo do homem? Mas como explicar a sensibilidade desse animal em sentir que seu dono, amigo, companheiro, não estava bem se, nós humanos, às vezes não nos sensibilizamos com as coisas óbvias que estão diante de nós e as ignoramos? Que lição de amor, fidelidade, parceria e perdão o Aladim nos deu! Vale a pena pensar nisso...
    Um grande beijo, meu neto querido. Amo-te muito.

    ResponderExcluir
  2. Meu caro, tua habilidade com as palavras fizeram deste texto um relato do quão importante é a amizade entre uma pessoa e um cão. Este animal é capaz de coisas incríveis faltando apenas falar, pois a transmissão de sentimento mútuo é demonstrado constantemente.

    Torço muito para que o destino te reserve aquilo que procuras. Tenho certeza que aí começará uma nova e decisiva etapa pra ti. Destas etapas que a vida tem...

    Forte abraço

    ResponderExcluir
  3. Minha cadelinha é assim também, só que o expressa de jeito diferente: ela é sensível para saber exatamente qual é o jeito mais efetivo para me incomodar, e qual o momento menos adequado.
    rsrsrs

    É isso aí cara, o jeito é encarar a vida e ir atrás. Ficar como um cão-sem-dono, sem fazer nada, também não eras...

    Um grande abraço!

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